I thought that only Islamic culture is based on shame and honour, so I was somewhat shocked to see the the culture of my personal life share these characteristics to a good degree: it’s my western shame culture. That was an interesting observation that I recently made: my life does not feel well because I am ashamed for oh-so-many of it’s circumstances, situations and things.

Some examples:

  • My tiny chaotic flat (see image) with its “kitchen” and “special” style of nutrition … there was a time when I was proud to live that way, but that time has gone. It is indeed a problem that I cannot invite people without belieing all these social expectations.
  • My theoretical approach to life, including my blog and my opinions; there is the need to justify myself for these before practically gifted people and before those who do not share the interest in the theoretical penetration of life.
  • The jobs I do … so far away from what I have learned and from the gifts I have that I feel the need to justify myself whenever somebody asks me casually what my business is.
  • My rather low quality equipment, be it computer (six years now!!), clothing or “furniture”. Regarding clothing, I wonder whether punk people have their outward style as a mode of coping with the fact of tattered clothes. Might be … I sometimes experiment in that direction and I like it.
  • And finally … my world tour plans and the reasons for these. Again something wherefore I need to justify myself, this time before security oriented, socially integrated people.

As I that, this doesn’t feel well. I needed to get rid of being ashamed, or life will not feel well. Me thinks [sic] that I’ve found a simple solution to that: rethink if you want to be different, and if not, start to be yourself. That does work, indeed: there’s no reason why I sould be less convinced of my lifestyle than others are of theirs. So, basically it boils down to this: this is me, and this is my style, and if you cannot cope with that, that’s your  problem, not mine.

To me, being myself is something like: I am a nerd or geek (depends on defintion) and I will stay this and live this and you guys need to cope with that. What motivated me further is that I deeply respect people who live out their identity, who are themselves: my father, my mother, my brothers and my friends. And, of course, Jesus, who is probably the best example of living out one’s own identity.

Start date: 2007-11-22
Post date: 2007-12-08
Version date: 2007-12-08 (for last meaningful change)

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