A more rational approach to choosing my desired lifestyle would not hurt. So, what are the pros and cons of living inside the social system of this society, versus escaping it in my style by living and traveling in an expedition vehicle, working from on the road with an Internet-connected computer?

I need to think more ’bout this, but here’s my first impression. Outside “the normal way”, you lose a good deal of social reputation, and a good amount of money. I would never be really “well-off” in this world, financially. However, I also would not need that additional money, as I have a lifestyle that does not consume that much of money. And I also would not need that social reputation, as I would have a worldwide network of cool people and friends to travel to.

“I do not need social reputation”: this is a strange view, but grants a lot of freedom. Normally one accepts that social reputation in ones society is something like a basic need, and strives to meet this as an “external demand”, like obeying a command. However, looking at this from a utilitarian perspective: what does it hurt to not have it, if you have good friends? Nothing.

That said, the pros seem to outweigh the cons: a more flexible, mobile lifestyle. Which is also able to cope with harsh conditions, and to react quickly to local crisis situations by moving places. And which is more free, in the sense of independence: it has low consume and therefore also low demand of monetary income originating from other people.

One caveat, though. If I choose this off-center lifestyle, I need to take some care to be still “socially compatible” with normal people: I need to create a “neat and tidy” environment in the truck so that I can invite the normal people.

Just made a strange experience … at two o’clock in the night, but nothing to frighten you. Read on. The background is, that I used the the last two days mainly for “tidying up my thoughts”. Most people will think this is a strange activity, and that my flat would need it more. Anyway. Practically it is, sorting through my mindmaps that contain all the “operational” information and decisions in my life. They are sort of an externalized part of my brain’s memory, slower but more precise. When tidying it up, I write down some latent decisions and re-structure stuff into life components, projects, tasks and journals. And I finish some blog post drafts with thoughts that troubled me lately … hence the several posts here today.

I did this “thought cleaning” a few times already, with the gap of some months in between. After it, mostly I have a good impression of the current state of my life. The same happened now, and the impression came just yet, after reading through my blogroll’s posts since long.

The crazy thing is, for the first time in life my mind feels both free and complete at the same time. Let me explain.

Most of my life, I had oriented myself towards a doctrinal system (a form of Christian fundamentalism) to feel “safe and complete” in mind about my conception of the world. Then, practical problems and critical thinking made this system more and more unliveable; that was around 2005-02. It coincides with my entry to the blogosphere, meant to think out loudly my critical thoughts and questions.

Since then, I felt more and more free in my thought life because I left more and more human authorities alone. But I did not feel complete at all, there were all these nagging questions and doubts. There are more than 200 blog posts since then, most of them detailing an aspect of this stuff, and together they document some hundred hours of reading and discussing. Nearly driving some of my friends mad with all my bugging questions 🙂

Ok, and what’s different now? In the last weeks, I found my position regarding a few of the most heavy questions (see posts “Why God might be silent“, “Deriving joy from meaning“, “Helping this world at system level?“). These answers also granted me a better basic mood and new motivation. And even better, these were the last bits to complete my position to the basic questions in life. Not that all this is necessarily true (it will develop), but for the first time, I feel “complete” in mind again. That feels good.

And now, looking through all those philosophical and theological blogs that had a huge influence on my thoughts before, I noticed that I got independent of them since my last visit. I still value most of them, but I have my own position now, for the first time a complete one. Which allows me to be independent.

I really don’t want to seem proud. I rather view this as a normal development: everyone, when becoming an adult, finds his or her own and complete position. This position is the  basic set of answers that they will use for the years to come. It may be logical or not, well-founded or clumsy: because it’s complete, because it’s a closed system, it can be defended. Adults normally don’t leave that position, as there’s no force that makes this necessary. Except for crisis experiences.

Now that I found my own position, only God can correct me. (I hope he will if necessary, as he did in 2004/2005.) I cannot see big problems in defending my position against people’s logic. This part of my adolescence is now about 10 years too late, but in compensation, very detailed and, as I think, well founded. And, as a special but unintended attribute, it’s a “free” (in the sense of “unique”) position: I have yet to find somebody else who holds a like set of answers regarding the basic questions of life. I seem to be a free thinker, but not as an end in itself: I just searched the answers.

With this part of “adolescence” finally finished, it seems that the next step is ahead: applying it, and teaching it. Also a normal development: every adult should be self-confident enough to teach his position to growing-ups, and to discuss it with other adults to publicly display its quality. There’s even an idea in my head how to apply and teach this stuff in a style that concords with the actual content (see also the post “Adult loneliness“): founding a mobile, high-power, educational-transformational community with native people in a developing country.

Of course, it feels good that these hard times of troubling myself with questions of all sorts are now over, for the most part. And I’m grateful to God for this!! But also, I fear that, if I err in an important issue, I am uncorrectable now. Which I really do not want to be … so if you think I am in error, talk to me and use good logic, and I will hopefully be able to see my error also and change … again.

From 2009-10-19 22:38 to -20 0:25 I was a subjective millionaire, and a brother of mine too. On 22:38 he told me that he searched through completed eBay auctions and found that many digital cameras on ebay.de did not get sold at all (zero bids), meaning we could have got them for 1 EUR each. We found out that such listings started to appear around 2009-10-14 and thought it must be due to an eBay bug that prevented people from finding or bidding on these. Then we searched through other categories as well, and found these unsold items everywhere. Notebooks, motorbikes, a VW Touran car, and even a truck (see below). The next day we wanted to find more of these items in running auctions by some way, get them for 1 EUR, resell them and tell the people to complain at eBay for getting just 1 EUR for their car etc.. 🙂

At 0:25 I found that truck in the image above in cached Google results, and it had bids on it. 🙁 🙁 That made the dream end, as the whole thing was just an eBay bug that affected the presentation of completed items. Interesting enough, however, i know do know how it feels to be rich … it emotionally exhausted us and we needed a “reorientation phase” to again accept the fact that we had to do some hard work for our money …

I am on track of an interesting phenomenon that’s important when working self-employed: you have to protect yourself from economic self-exploitation.

When being employed at another company, you might see your job as slavery. The thing however is, it is highly probably that your boss has learned that he’s got to treat his workforce not too bad, or their productivity will suffer and they will eventually flee and get another boss. And if he did not yet learn that, there is the state that will ensure that your work conditions are not too bad.

If you start to work self-employed, however, you still gotta learn exactly that lesson. You will have times where you’re quite stressed, by project deadlines and financial constraints, and then you’re going to load yourself with ever higher workload just to get through. You will work Saturdays and Sundays also, in the evening and night, not meet friends, not take time for eating as you was used to, nor for buying food if you start to miss something. If you have an IT job, you might be 9-13 hours at the computer a day, and will probably not do sports to compensate this; and after some weeks doing so you will feel your body getting badly off. In the end, you’re through with your project and perceive that it was not at all worth that sort of stress.

That’s my experience currently, and I do not want to repeat. In the future, I’m gonna keep projects apart with a big gap in between, so they will never manage to overlap and create stress … and if they do, I know that I’m not going to do both. The same with project deadlines. Make sure what are the really hard deadlines before starting a project, and simply do not accept if they are too constrained … keep in mind that miscalculations of plus 150% are not unusual in IT projects.

I thought about what I would do if I really, really care about somebody and take somebody seriously. Like, say, in a partnership.

I think the deepest expression of that, for me, would be something most other people will think is quite strange: shared information management. The most important part of my thinking is externalized to documents, mostly mindmaps, but also blog posts, idea lists etc.. If I would allow somebody to be part of that way of “written thinking”, by reading and writing, that would be like telling “her” everything and allowing “her” to be an essential part of my life and plans.

Just talking is way too ephemeral to be about taking somebody seriously, if there are other means as well.

Other people do sports, cook for themselves, maintain their health and beauty, keep their house clean and well-equipped, call and meet people, and work more than I do (so earning more money), and even watch TV and do games. I ave nearly no time for all that, on average.

Means my time goes somewhere instead. I finally find out where: thinking about things (includes blogging, mindmapping, idea management, authoring in general), sleeping (1-2 hours a day), perfectionism (being more exact in all I do than people are on average), and helping people. In that order.

Mmmh. I’d like to exchange sleeping and some perfectness and even some thinking for sports, socializing, a better household and better food, I think. In that order.

It is said that people in their late 20s undergo a crisis because they realize that they are not able to change the world. Me thinks, I am currently in an acute phase of that time. It actually drives me crazy to see dictators and / or aristocrats in Zimbabwe, Sri Lanka, Europe, basically all around the globe, misuse their might for their own advantage while the population is held captive, in unfree conditions, poor, ill, or else. Or, more precisely, it drives me nuts that I’m not able to change that to any meaningful degree (which means, 1% or more).